I’m making steady progress on my writing and now have nine chapters finished! That is about one-third of the book.  It’s 100 pages double-spaced and 28K words. Most thriller novels are about 80K to 90K words long so I think I’m on target. 

It’s time for me to get more feedback, so I shared my book with a small circle of family and friends – my alpha readers – from whom I collected some great feedback and suggestions.

Line edits and a title suggestion

Andy, who read the book in January, read it again now and also shared it with his friend, Susan. He sent the manuscript back to me with some very helpful suggestions on specific wording that he liked or that he thought could be improved. Some examples:

“Would you consider “Chase the Money” as the title of the book instead of “Chasing the Money” as more of an active imperative command … For me, it matches the immediacy of your first-person narrative voice and also matches the syntax of the quote that you reference in chapter one.”

“I learned in a writing workshop that any details that are not important to the story should be left out so as not to distract or clutter the prose – so simplify your chapter headings to ‘Thursday, early evening’ without the specific month and day.”

“Can you find a more menacing phrase with more intimidation than “staring intently” here? Something that scares me a little more?”

“One of Sue’s comments to me after she read it was that she loved the tension in the main story, but as a non-business person, she got a little bogged down with the detail in the investment descriptions.”

“This is great writing. You’re a master at storytelling! Tight dialogue. Gripping tension. It’s a page-turner for sure. Can’t wait to read what happens next to our heroes.”

A rave review – with one caveat

Mary and Mike – two other good friends, read the book for the first time and gave me some positive feedback, which was much appreciated.  Here are some of Mary’s comments:

“Wow, Michael!  These first nine chapters are terrific!!  Can’t wait to read some more! Your use of the first person was definitely the best approach, and it freed you up to tell the story as you’d actually do in real life.  You have a great gift of describing all the characters and places, so as to engage many of one’s senses—like you were setting the stage for the upcoming movie!!“

“The dialogue portions are well done, although—you know me!—still a bit too much “spicy” language for this gal.  You’ll definitely want to gather other opinions on that aspect.“

“You’ve nicely dropped historical background into the story to add color and information without interfering with or disrupting the ongoing storyline. Overall, we both truly enjoyed it, and think you’re on your way to a best seller!!”

Humanize the main characters

My son, Andrew, said his first impression was very positive, but he also had some significant changes to suggest. He read it all in one sitting and didn’t get bored. He thinks the dialogue is great. His first critique was that I don’t do enough to describe the main character. His personality is revealed through the dialogue, but you never even learn what he looks like.  

He also thinks I need to completely rework the artist’s assistant. She’s described as though she’s a dumb hillbilly, but she doesn’t speak or act that way, and she’s got student loans, which doesn’t seem to fit that character. And she offers up information a little too easily. He’s right – I need to work on this.

Andrew also said I needed to build more stress and danger into the story. (Typical male input.)  In particular, he suggested that I need to write more about the financial stress the two heroes are under. They seem successful and it’s not clear how the failure of the company would impact their lives. He wanted me to emphasize that they are chasing money not just to keep their company going, but for their own professional survival.

Andrew also suggested that I adjust the timeframe, which starts on a Thursday so that more of the events in the story happen during the work week. That way I can inject the chaos of trying to deal with a Russian killer while also keeping the company running and the employees in the dark. Investors call, employees ask questions, and maybe even throw in a company crisis like a payroll that can’t be met. 

Finally, Andrew said that the novel moves at a blistering pace. He likes a story that moves fast, but he thinks there are a few areas that should be slowed down to humanize the characters more.  He thinks the home scene could last longer and describe the family in more detail. 

Make the main character darker

Then I spoke to my daughter, Ali, for over an hour. She had some of the same critiques as her brother. She wants me to better describe the main characters. We brainstormed how to accomplish this. 

Ali doesn’t like that I spend chapter two describing the Russian killer’s background. She suggested that I move the whole Vasili story to later in the book, and use the second chapter to better describe the main character and his family. She thought it was important to know and care more about the heroes before focusing on the villain.

Ali also thinks the main character needs to be darker. While his partner can be a little more upright and squeaky clean, the main character likes hanging out with Nico at strip clubs and is a little more open to cutting corners. She suggested that he might have trouble in his marriage. Maybe his wife is tired of supporting his startups and has threatened to leave him, so the stress about raising money for the company is not just professional, it’s personal. I love this idea! 

Thanks to all my alpha readers!

I really appreciate all the feedback, I’ve got a lot of great suggestions to consider.

Michael